Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Oh How Long We have waited - Isaiah 33:2 - #laterpost

"Be gracious oh Lord; for You we wait.  Be our strength every morning, our salvation in times of trouble ." - Isaiah 33:2

Sweet baby, this among many others has been our prayer as we waited for you.  Our journey began Summer of 2012.  

After much prayer and urging from your big sister, Eleanor, your Daddy and I decided it was time to grow our family.   With Eleanor, we got pregnant without even trying so we thought, (funny that God had a MUCH bigger plan) we would get pregnant with you summer of 2012 and you would be born spring of 2013 - perfect for a teacher's schedule and you and Eleanor would be exactly 3 years apart.  

Like I said before, God had bigger and MUCH more different plans.  Our failed attempts at what we thought would be so easy became frustrating and actually began to cause some tension between your Dad and me.  We were going about it in the wrong way clearly and decided to take a step back and continue to pray and hope God led us to where we needed to be while we also prayed that He understood the desires of our hearts and would grant us a baby soon enough.

Christmas rolled around and the one thing Eleanor asked for more than anything else was a baby sister.  Talk about pressure!  We finally let her know that Daddy and Mommy really had no control over it, this was something we needed to, as a family, pray about because the only person in control over whether or not she would get a sibling was God.  We continued to wait and trust.  Trust that God knew what He was doing and that soon enough, a new addition would come.  Every night Eleanor would ask God for a baby sister (sometimes we could get her to say or brother as well) some day soon.

On a March morning (2013), I woke up very early and decided I needed to take a pregnancy test.  Don't worry, we were practically storing tests until the end of time at this point.  As I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, I glanced down and finally saw 2 lines!  Could this be true!?  I sprinted in and jumped on the bed so excited to tell Andy!  It was finally our moment - we were finally pregnant!

The next few days I started feeling really sick - I couldn't believe my morning sickness had already set in - I was only about 7 weeks by this point and hadn't been to the Dr.  I called Dr. Behan to tell them the news though and set my appointment for a week away.  I never made it to that appointment though as 5 days after the super exciting double line revelation, I woke up really early - around 4am to lots of intense signs of a miscarriage if you know what I mean.  I called Dr. Behan's after hours line and he called me right back, at 4 in the morning.  How many OB's do that?  He told me to call at 9am and make an appointment that day to come in.  Heartbroken, Andy and I drove to his office awaiting the inevitable news that I had miscarried.  

We had a sonogram and found that I was 8 weeks and that the baby had already passed.  After that, we spent a very healing 45 min in our room with Dr. Behan.  This is why we drive an hour in rush hour to his office.  This is why we are so blessed to have him as our OBGYN.  He prayed with us and made sure we knew there was nothing we did to cause this - that merely God had another plan for this baby. It was beautiful and exactly what we needed to hear.  Of course we were heartbroken but so thankful for that time with Dr. Behan.  We left the office and spent the rest of the day together which we don't get to do all too often.  Your brother or sister holds a special spot in our family and we knew that he or she would protect you before we even knew of your existence along with Eleanor and any other child God blessed our family with.  Another beautiful thing about this entire experience was that it happened over Easter weekend.  I was able to enter into Jesus' passion in an entirely different way than before as we grieved your sister or brother.  Even more beautiful, we were able to receive His healing grace as we celebrated His resurrection at Easter.  What an amazing plan God had for us that spring.

We knew that we needed to wait 6 weeks before "trying" again but it was definitely our plan to try again for another baby.  God, once again threw us a crazy curve ball and WAY before the 6 week goal, but beautifully appropriate, we found out we were pregnant again with YOU on Mother's Day weekend!    Once again, a feeling of joy and excitement overcame us.  We also felt a bit apprehensive to celebrate too soon though and even waited to tell family for a bit just due to our previous experience.  We continued to strive to trust that God had it all in His hands though.  

We finally went to see Dr. Behan today - June 11th - you are the size of a tiny Kidney Bean and we couldn't be more excited to see that you are there and looking great!  He confirmed your due date from your first sono - January 19th!  We cannot WAIT to tell your sister about you and to proclaim to the world that FINALLY we are welcoming another member of our family so very soon!  We can't wait to meet you sweet baby!  God is good!

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